Shop More Submit  Join Login
About Other / Hobbyist Member JuliaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 503 Deviations 3,872 Comments 10,674 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Activity


  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: Day is Done
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nufffing
  • Eating: Hamburger Helper
  • Drinking: Lemonade
I never wanna loose this feeling of when I woke up at 12 AM and I didn't wake up sad or alone or scared, or numb. I just woke up peaceful, and I walked down the stairs and the snow sparkled and glistened and was bright and happy and kinda warmed me up to the tips of my toes, and good god I know it's cause of you and I'm so glad that you make me feel so much better. You almost take him away.
  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: Day is Done
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nufffing
  • Eating: Hamburger Helper
  • Drinking: Lemonade
I know that we aren't going to be a real thing. I know that I won't fall in love with you. I know you won't be the one that's my first, but yet you'll try. 

I know I'll try to, and I know a week from now my feelings would've completely changed, but underneath I'll still have this one.

Maybe what scared me was the fact that you don't believe in finding the one at this age, that you won't get married, that you won't find the one to get married to. I mean, I don't just jump into a relationship because I'm crazily obsessed and plan to marry them, but what's the point in dating someone if you don't see a type of future with them?

And I know that sane part of me knows that I won't find the one I'm going to marry, but still the fact of your little dreamless imagination and mind frightens me. 
I've always had a large imagination when it came to relationships, and I'm a reckless dreamer. You're not, and I don't think I could live with that. 

So since I can't live with that, I highly doubt I'll fall in love with you, and just like the list of exes behind you, you'll get sick of trying for that and trying for someone who just simply won't open up, and you'll shut down and leave. And that's fine, because that's how it always is, and I can cope with that, because I haven't fully opened up to you. Or anyone, not since him.

Maybe what scared me was the fact that you're experienced. Sexually, yes. I almost feel as if in every moment alone with you I'll be pressured for sex, and I don't know... I'm just not ready for that. I was always taught that it was absolutely horrible to have sex before marriage, and now I've learned that it is not, and anyone should do anything they want. But I still wish to wait until marriage. So, maybe the fact that you've gotten virgins to have sex with you, and the fact that I couldn't satisfy you without having sex because quite frankly I don't think you're capable of falling in love.

Maybe what scared me was maybe the fact that I don't think you're capable of falling in love. I think you float on through girls because they are new and interesting and easy to you, not that you actually fall in love. If you fell in love you'd find that dreamer in you, and you don't have it. 

I wish I knew how to chase you away before all of this fell out and apart, but I don't think I could. Because you think you're in love, and by standards placed by society you know what to say and do to make it so you won't run away. So I think I'll just let this all play out, and maybe I'll feel something almost real, and know that I'm still capable of loving someone, even if its not you. 

Donate

Patchheart has started a donation pool!
234 / 250
You're a kind person. c:

You must be logged in to donate.
  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: Day is Done
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nufffing
  • Eating: Hamburger Helper
  • Drinking: Lemonade
I never wanna loose this feeling of when I woke up at 12 AM and I didn't wake up sad or alone or scared, or numb. I just woke up peaceful, and I walked down the stairs and the snow sparkled and glistened and was bright and happy and kinda warmed me up to the tips of my toes, and good god I know it's cause of you and I'm so glad that you make me feel so much better. You almost take him away.

Journal History

deviantID

Patchheart
Julia
Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United States
Hello, my name is Julia! :)

Anyways, I am a sweet and kind person, who loves pictures and photography of nature. I love exploring, hiking, trailing, horse back riding, singing, running, playing guitar, and eating. o3o

I'm a bit inactive on the dA, because I have a busy school life, and then social life, so I barely have time to get on here very much!

Anywho, if you want to talk, or have any problems, feel free to note me! :)
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconscorpiomonkey:
ScorpioMonkey Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014
Thanks so much for the :+devwatch: and the :llama:!! :hug:
Reply
:iconmaleiva:
Maleiva Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Very thanks for the fave :D
Reply
:iconcrgphotography:
CRGPhotography Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for the watch. I'm sorry it's so late. I've been a bit depressed lately and have been far behind on DA for weeks now. If you ever need anything, or are bored, sad, lonely, depressed, or just want to chat I encourage you to send me a note. I love meeting new people and making new friends. I pray you, your family, and your friends have an amazing week full of God's Glory and wonderful new opportunities! God Bless You!
Reply
:iconkittycatmewmew101:
KittyCatMewMew101 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fave ^^
Reply
:iconskyw1nd:
Skyw1nd Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave! :)
Reply
Add a Comment: